My room smells like vodka and shame
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
