I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
