she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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