atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
