Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
