opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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