ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
