ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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