the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
