a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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