I need to stop coming to work sober
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
