It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
