OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
