all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Found the puke drawer
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
