she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
