Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
