"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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