I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
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