Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This is classic penis vs brain.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
