Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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