I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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