I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
now i know why i became what i already was.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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