When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
