New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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