There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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