did you get engaged???
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Randomize
