Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
