If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
