we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
