scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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