how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
