He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
