My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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