I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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