you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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