The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
