I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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