i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
