I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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