Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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