mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
