I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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