what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
