my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
