i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Randomize
