yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
