Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
