I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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