The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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