so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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